Meh, it's just another halaqa

It was another usual day of weekly Quran class held at a friend's house. It's held every Friday evening right after lunch where ladies will gather to discuss about Quran Tafseer, checking each other's Tilaawah, reading up on Fiqh, voicing out their opinions regarding the current happenings in the Muslim world and activities alike.The kids usually gather in another room where they read story books and do hifz of Surah Yaasin which they will present to their mothers at the main hall at the end of the class.

I was listening to Aunty Mushfiq's explanation on Taqwa when I heard a soft knock at the door. As I went and opened the door, I saw a lady clad in black burka catching her breath as she hurried to the main hall past me. I came to know her name was Thahirah. Only shortly later I would come to realize how pure she was just like her name, mashaAllah.

The class continued and we reached Tilaawah and Tajweed session. We were learning the basics of Qalqala, Madd Sukoon and the right way of pronouncing the Arabic letters. When it was Thahirah's turn, she struggled and stumbled to pronounce the Arabic letters properly. She repeated it oft but it just didn't fit in place. I helped her to get through it only for her to fall down again and again. It began to get slightly time-consuming and had to tell her that she should try practising at home for better control of the letters.

The evening moved on and we came to Arabic session where short arabic phrases would be looked up for their meaning and written down for revision purposes. Everyone was writing down and that was when I realized something about Thahirah. Her eyes seemed so eager to see the words written on the board, her ears so keen to listen to Aunty Mushfiq's explanation and her hands diligently and swiftly taking down all that is being said. Her zeal was so strong that it manifested right in front of my eyes. It wasn't any deep analysis of the Arabic language that is digging the gems of the Quranic phrases. Rather, it was simple translation of the words that are oft-repeated like fee, wa, alladzi, etc. When we picked out an ayah to try translating them using the basic vocabulary we just learned, Thahirah beamed out of joy as she saw it is possible to understand the Quran.

As the day winded down, Thahirah was still overwhelmed with the new vocabulary she just learned, kept asking about the right pronunciations of the letters while everyone else were busy with their teas and samosas.

I wondered what was so interesting about the class just now that she was so excited. 

That was when it hit me! I've been wrong all this while blaming everything else for the lack of sweetness of Iman and Khushoo in my Salah. Comparing myself to Thahirah, I was "relatively more knowledgable" since I had access to full weekend courses, QnA with shuyookhs and shaykhas, online reminders, articles of fatwas on this and that and so much more. She was "just a housewife" with 2 hours of Friday evening classes covering some very basic lessons that isn't particularly Imaan-uplifting.

Lo and behold! I was wrong!

The reason behind her eyes beaming out of joy, tongue constantly twisting snd turning to catch the proper pronunciation for the umpteenth time, fingers scaling the same ayah over and over again held one thing clear for me; her Niyyah.

Yes, she is "just a housewife". Yes, she comes in late due to household commitments and the unpredictable work shift of her husband, leaving her with no option to attend the class. Yes, she is learning the most basic things and that too while struggling and stumbling repeatedly.

You and I might have more "knowledge" than the old man in some far away village. But, that old man who prays Fajr in jamaah every morning at the mosque is more praiseworthy in the sight of Allah SWT. The "oppressed" lady who was "forced" to become a housewife might have limited access to courses and conferences but the salawat on her lips never stops while she cooks and cleans.

See, knowledge isn't about how much you know but how much you act upon it. Sincerity is not simply saying to ourselves that it is for the sake of Allah SWT but proving it in manifesting the lessons learnt in our lives.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if you're a student of advanced Arabic learning Sarf and Nahw or just beginning to memorize the small Surahs, the sweetness of Imaan and Love for Allah SWT blossoms from your attitude towards knowledge and not your accomplishments.

And don't forget that sweetness of Iman isn't a state or an event to be experienced. Yes, we have been through that sleepless night where we bawled and cried like a baby raising our hands to the sky. The relief that comes after it is priceless. But don't get into the illusion that every Qiyam should have been such an experience. Khusoo in Salah and sweetness of Iman isn't an event rather it is a process.

So, if you're listening to a lecture of Surah Kahf, don't pass it simply because it is a repitition of what you already know. Rather, listen to it intently and see the change of heart that this "old information" can do.

May Allah soften our hearts and nourish it with knowledge that transforms us, brings us closer to Him, moves us to tears and make us among His beloved slaves.