She wondered. For the umpteenth time. What is wrong with herself? Why is she failing day after day?She ran after perfection day in and day out. Why can't she just get up for that extra Nafl prayer? Why can't she put down her phone and take the Quran in her hand? Why can't she do it when she knows they are rewarding?
He cried. Again, as he questioned his self-worth. Why can't he just be normal when talking with the sisters? Why does he always feel the impulse to text her when knowing all too well it isn't necessary? Why can't his fingers stay away from clicking that mp3 music link?
These are situations that PRACTISING Muslims face these days. No, it's not a picture of the non-practising people but real time conditions of the young people whom we see at every conference, volunteering for noble causes and spending their time for the sake of Allah SWT.
Human beings, let it be Muslims or not, practising or not, are inherently prone to errors and mistakes. And young, passionate, practising Muslims are no exception. They too have to overcome the hurdles of their Nafs, the fitna around them and the innermost dark thoughts that come up. They are being sucked into the era of easy accessibility to Fitna as well. Just because they attend every conference, weekend courses and take up Hifdh of Quran, it doesn't make them Syaitan-proof.
Abdullah bin Ahmed said:
“When death approached my father, I sat with him and in my hand was a scrap of cloth with which I wanted to tie his beard and he began to drift in and out of consciousness, then he opened his eyes and said, indicating with his hand: “No, not yet. No, not yet” And he repeated it three times. After the third repetition ,I said to him: Oh, my father! What is this thing which you have said at this time? You fall into unconsciousness so that we say that you have gone,then you return (to consciousness) and say: “No, not yet. No, not yet”He said to me : Oh, my son! Do you not know?” I said: “No”.He said :” Satan – May Allah’s curse be upon him – stood before me, he lowered himself on his knuckles and said to me:”Oh, Ahmad! You have eluded me.” But I replied: “No, not yet, not yet until I die.”
The scholars didn't feel safe from the traps of the Syaitan as well. How wrong would it be for us to think we would be Syaitan-proof? If the courses we attend and the tafseers we listen were to bring any good, it should make us more concious of our inner Nafs and the need and urgency of seeking Allah to help us. We all have an ideal "Islamic" picture of ourselves ; praying all prayers on time, with Sunnah prayers, getting up for Tahajjud every night, completing 1 juz of Quran each day, etc. The truth is a true practising Muslim will never reach the "Ideal" version! Hold on there, read on!
In fact, there will never be a day where one will look in the mirror and say, "Yes, I have achieved my ideal Islamic personality." The day you say that is the most dangerous day because you are now at your "peak" performance. Doing all those Ibadaah is good, but it won't last if you settle down for that "ideal" picture.
The pressing question arises; how does one get to feel the sweetness of Imaan? The sweetness of Imaan isn't tasted when you have reached that pinnacle where you do all the super-Ibaadahs. The sweetness of Iman, that sumptuous delicacy is treasured in the PROCESS of reaching that pinnacle. It is in the journey to please Allah SWT you will face physical and mental challenges.
Some people just start taking about Allah Azza Wajal and tears roll down their cheeks. What noble status they have achieved!But, they continue to strive too. The scholars said, if you can't cry for the sake of Allah, then pretend to cry for His Sake. Recall your past sins and your answered Duas. Make an effort to cry. It is in the effort that your sweetness of Imaan lies.
It is a huge blessing that Allah SWT tests us by making us confront with these challenges every single day. Every day is a choice whether to take the Quran or to check Facebook for the 5th time, to listen to the Quran Mp3 or to checkout the new hit songs that are just released, to lower our gaze or to simply have a "look" of what she looks like and the list is endless. Our daily life is about making choices. And these choices are difficult , needs conviction and a lot of strength.
Sweetness of Imaan isn't when you don't struggle to worhsip Allah in the best way. It is when you know you are struggling, you know you have mountains of sins on your back, you know you failed and are prone to fail in the future, yet you gather the courage to continue on this journey back to Allah. You continue even if you have to be limping. You continue even if you are broken.
Where else sweetness can be if it isn't in presenting yourself before Allah in a state of humility?
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Ibn AlQayyim said, “A person will continue to struggle with obedience until it becomes beloved to them. And so Allah will send angels that will inspire them and push them.
| أَحَسِبَ النَّاسُ أَنْ يُتْرَكُوا أَنْ يَقُولُوا آمَنَّا وَهُمْ لَا يُفْتَنُونَ |
Do men imagine that they will be left (at ease) because they say, We believe, and will not be tested with affliction ? (Surah AlAnkabut:2)
The next time you feel overwhelmed by your mistakes and the guilt overtakes your ability to ask forgiveness from Allah, Al-Afuww, Al-Ghafoor, stop in your tracks and cry. Seize these moments of "inability" because Allah loves the drop of tear from your eyes at this time. When a person feels guilt, that in and of itself is a blessing, a Rahma from Ar-Rahman. He, جل جلاله , who is free of all need, intends for you to get back on track when you have given up on yourself. Isn't this a sign that He loves us more than we love ourselves? Ponder.
The struggle is real and it will be there till the day the Ruh exits from the body to meet its Master. No matter how knowledgeable, religious and pious you become, Allah SWT refines the purity of His slaves by constantly putting them to test. If you feel down, broken, useless and weak, then it is this moment that you should capture and beg Allah to bring you back to Him. Isn't this a blessing again; to be able to recognise one's weakness and have no way to turn to except Allah, Al-Qawwiy, Al-Jabbar, Al-Haleem?
| أَلَا يَعْلَمُ مَنْ خَلَقَ وَهُوَ اللَّطِيفُ الْخَبِيرُ |
After you have done that, get up and rush to do good. Syaitan's whispers will continue making you feel like a hypocrite but that is just another nasty trick. Push yourself in the face of negativity. There will never be a day where you have achieved your "Ideal Islamic Image". The day you think you have reached that is the very day you are actually at your lowest. One Day, all the tears, humility, inability to do the best Ibadaah even after putting your full effort, limping back to Allah even when it hurts, continuing even when you don't feel like, will all manifest itself in the most glorious form. This Day will come soon. Till that day, STRIVE.
| أَلَمْ يَأْنِ لِلَّذِينَ آمَنُوا أَنْ تَخْشَعَ قُلُوبُهُمْ لِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ وَمَا نَزَلَ مِنَ الْحَقِّ وَلَا يَكُونُوا كَالَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ مِنْ قَبْلُ فَطَالَ عَلَيْهِمُ الْأَمَدُ فَقَسَتْ قُلُوبُهُمْ ۖ وَكَثِيرٌ مِنْهُمْ فَاسِقُونَ |
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