The Trust of the Rahm

Pregnancy brings on a flood of emotions. She had those emotions as well. Since the day she conceived him, she had dreams that was shed as tears every night. Being a slave in an Empire so huge that still has its impacts seen in today's modern world is not easy. With all the complications of pregnancy, physiological and psychological changes, she bore him. A fear was always there in the corner of her heart - the fear of losing him in front of her eyes.

Umm Musa was an ordinary slave woman ordered to toil and labour in harsh conditions under the ruthless Pharaoh's rule. With security checks and police chiefs all over the city, the Bani Israel had no way of escape. Every woman anticipates her delivery due date. It brings feelings of love for the unborn, anxiety on how things are going to turn out, dreams she held for so long, anticipation of holding him in her hands and yearning to look into his eyes. But for Umm Musa, she dreaded that day. Painfully, she ailed in silence and eventually gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

Her eyes welled up seeing the 9-month-old life inside her womb now on her hands, close to her chest. A moment that every mother cherishes. A moment where she is so cautious where she does't exhale in fear of losing that magical moment in the tide of time. A moment she could keep on gazing at the coolness of her eyes. Umm Musa had all those feelings too. But, her son was in extreme danger. The Egyptian soldiers patrolling outside would burst into her house and slaughter the newborn barbarously if the heard the cries of a baby.

She was devastated. Which mother would have thought to feed the baby in such a terrible situation? And that is when Allah SWT inspired her to feed the baby. See, you don't need to be super-prophets to be connected to Allah. You just need to be vulnerable and have the courage to reach out to Him. The result of having Tawakkul is that Allah SWT took full responsibility of her affairs and inspired her to act swiflty.

She fed baby Musa and silenced his cries. Mother and child were safe from the soldiers but for how long? She sat desolate thinking what to do next. And Allah inspired her again. Allah ordered her to place the baby in a chest-like box and to throw it into a winding and whirling river. The courage it took to convince herself that it isn't an insane act must have been extremely huge. What gave her that courage? 

Just to give you a picture of how a river is; it is absolutely deadly to "throw" a fragile newborn whose skeletal strucutres are still delicate into a river. The tides of river that rise and fall, the bed rocks of river with the sharp edges at every corner, the downstream rush at its peak, the crocodiles and other deadly predators hunting for their prey and The Rabb of the 'Alameen, The Most Knowledgable,ordered Umm Musa to throw the baby into it.The tawakkul of a believer should seem to be an absolute insane trust to the disbelievers. What is insane for others is the right thing to do for the believer. Ajeeb are the affairs of the ghurabaa!

Allah's promise to Umm Musa was fulfilled when baby Musa was returned to her to nurse him. She wasn't only allowed to nurse him but to do so with full rights as the order itself came from the Palace of Fira'un from whom she dreaded the fate of her child! Again, this is the result of tawakkul. Allah fulfils His Promise made to His slave. Ask any mother who has lost her child. She would give up her whole life without a second thought if she could hold her baby one last time. The depression of Umm Musa after throwing baby Musa into the river did not weaken her. Instead, it strengthen her heart and made it firm upon His Promise.

Ask yourselves, when was the last time you insanely had tawakkul on Allah? Having tawakkul is not the absence of worry. Rather, it is directing it toward the One who can remove it and replace it with peace and serenity. How ever huge you might see your problem as, no matter how much obstacles there are on the path, ask yourself,who could stop if Allah 'Azza wa Jal has taken charge of helping you through out?

Sometimes we are used to riding so high that we forget the success that is actually a combination of two things ; our effort and Allah's Help. That is what Ummu Musa did. An effort so huge, so painful and yet she chose to do it. And the rest is history.

The Blessed Land

Alhamdulillah, touched down KL at about 8.30pm after a long flight from Jeddah via Doha. The pain of returning from Umrah is overwhelming.

Needless to say, I miss Home, my Home, the Home of Rasulullah SAW, Ibrahim AS and Ismail AS. The pain of separation when I lifted my head from the last Sujud in the Blessed Mosque was so much so that I wished my soul was ripped from my body that very moment itself. Like a mature baby being cut off from the umbilical cord of it's mother as it enters this world, I cried wondering how could this be possible.

Subhanallah, the lessons that Allah taught me are way too much for my soul to even comprehend. Lessons after lesssons, realization of the subtle things in life poured down as I stood receiving it in awe, my mouth wide open in amazement.

My words can by no means do justice to what my heart wants to scream out loud. Feelings and
emotions I've never even known that existed was introduced into my life. Love, fear, hope, contentment, gratitude, guilt, shame, humility, mercy, kindness was thought in a way that it manifested itself in the depths of my heart, illuminating this little miskeen soul.

Old, weak, disabled, poor people staying and sleeping in Masjidil Haraam and worshipping Allah in pain and hunger made me feel so small. A sharp question stabbed me over and over again asking
me what is my worth compared to them in the Sight of Allah SWT?

Roads busy with people walking to the Harem at 2.00am in the morning, the cool breeze as dawn breaks over the valley, the chilly morning walks back to the hotel, the crimson sky with pearly clouds seeded on it, the rush of new pilgrims into the hotels, the melancholy of those who have to return and so much more sights that emancipates and pinches the heart repeatedly.

An incident comes to mind.There was this old woman from Pakistan if I'm not mistaken. She was struggling with her leg ache and I saw no one nearby to help massage her leg. I asked if I could help her and she handed me the oil and cream bottle. Whilst I massaged her leg, we both communicated in sign language since my urdu was limited. Yes, two people with no relationship and don't even have a mutual language were engaged in a soul-lifting, ego-breaking quality time. She told me her life story and Wallahi I was moved to tears right then and there. Her eyes could express the pain she went through. After the salah, I went to see my mum and my legs couldn't bear the weight of my heart. I stumbled and fell in front of my mom. I cried and cried and cried. I didn't know why the old woman's story mattered to me so much. Maybe, just maybe, because she gave me a new sense of hope that was too big and extremely sweet for me to bear. *bittersweet*

This journey gave me a lot of gifts - happiness, a sense of belonging in a "foreign" country, humility and friendship. I made dua so that He TEACHES me and indeed He is the Best of those who Teach and Guide.

O the one who is reading this! Go. Go for the Sake of Allah to visit His House as His Guest. Trust me, He will never disappoint His Slaves..

Here I am. Trying hard to console myself that life has to move on. But in a different way. In a way that will bring me much closer to Him.

After all, the newborn baby's life has not ended as the umbilical cord was cut off. Rather, Life has just Begun.

I may not be there yet. But I am closer to it than I was yesterday.

Buried under problems?

Our problems are overwhelming. Let it be the new project you're working on, that one friend who doesn't understand you, the exams that are coming up, the debt that we owe others and tons of other problems.

Remember, it's not the goal that matters the most. Getting a new car, finally finding the right spouse, getting a massive audience for the program that you organise is not the solution. We may think that is the actual success. However, in reality, it is not the ultimate objective.

It is the perseverance that we show through the process. The anger that we choose to hide. The gossip session that we try to avoid. The gaze we intentionally avert. The lustful desire that we consciously keep in check. The time we spend on useful things rather than movies and dramas. The ideas we think instead of the complains we never stop with. It is the process that matters. The real objective of the test is not the final solution that we think of. It is the ATTITUDE we develop through them.

Saying about it is different. Living by it is a whole new thing that needs courage. The whole process is painful, terrible, heart-wrenching, nerve-wracking and horrible. There will be a lot of failures and tons of mistake. But, get up and swim ahead. The journey is long.

Persevere till you meet your Lord! If it is for that one moment of standing in front of Him, then it is sure worth all the trouble and hurdles.

Knowledge isn't found in the books but in the heart

Thanks to the era of Internet, we have successfully deluded ourselves with the impression we are students of knowledge. The numerous courses available online, livestream programs, recorded audios have benefitted greatly but it also took a toll on the Nafs. We call ourselves Taalibul Ilm without pausing to think what we claim to be. We embraced knowledge with wide arms and warm hugs in the beginning but that “knowledge” has been reduced to bits and pieces of information. Piles of books read, hundreds of Hadiths encountered, countless courses attended but the soul comes to a standstill. It is not being moved by all those “knowledge” as was used to. It is a call for danger.

The reason for this is the partial approach of the whole process. We learn the information but fail to portray it in our lives. It is only when the information is represented in real life, knowledge comes to life. Other than that, it is dead information sitting in a dusty corner of the cortex.

A well-known Sahaabiyah who is perhaps the least represented as Taalibul Ilm or to be considered an important source for solving Masaa’il of Fiqh is the one whom this article will be addressing. Read on.

Sumayyah bint Khayyat (RA) is an inspirational role model for each and every student of knowledge. It might be peculiar to associate this to Sumayyah (RA) but, in truth, she was the epitome of Islam. She was the first person to shed her blood on the face of this Earth for the sake of Islam.With no sense of disrespect or insult intended, if we compare ourselves to Sumayyah (RA), it is us who have more information than her. We know more Quran as the Quran wasn’t complete during her lifetime, we know more ahadith than her, we have solutions to different kind of Fiqh Masaa’ils and so on. The information she had compared to ours’ is scarce yet she lived a life of honour and died with dignity.

Sumayyah (RA) had little information but she “knew” Islam way better than us. She had deep knowledge of Laa ila ha illallah. And to that she clung tightly like a life support. She placed all her energy into it and it became intense with each whip, strike,burn and bruise on her body. The information revolved to become knowledge. She transformed and became the embodiment of La ila ha illallah. A former slave, married to a man from foreign land, being bullied by the Arab women, deemed to be worthless in their eyes, not possessing any beauty, had conquered her soul and died after living a life of dignity. The hands that hit her might have felt the pain of it but her grasp of La ila ha illallah just got stronger with each strike. Ajeeb indeed! 

That is the responsibility she had for the knowledge she acquired. After knowing the Truth and coming to realize the Oneness of Allah, she lived and died with that knowledge engraved in her heart, soul and actions. It was that knowledge which made the desert’s heat bearable, her oppressor’s whips to be the tickets to Jannah and her name to be announced as first Shaheed in Islam. She died a death where the sand dunes of the desert, the oasis, the palm trees, the barren sky, the glorious sun witnessed silently, mourning for their inability to do anything else.

Fast forward to our time. Sitting in front of the laptop and typing into the search engine all our problems and hoping to get an answer that serves our desires. We obtain information at the tip of fingers but our heart is rendered void as each day passes. The dissemination of knowledge –even if it is one verse as the Prophet (SAW) had said- ended up as rants on Twitter and endless comments battle on Facebook.  The information is processed by the neurons but never seem to strike the soul. The “knowledge” we have doesn’t even give us the strength to donate more than average, to concentrate in our Salah incessantly every single day, to give us the vigor to wake up for Tahajjud and yet, we have declared ourselves to be Taalibul Ilm. Ajeeb indeed!

 Look at how Allah describes the knowledgeable in the Quran.

And among people and moving creatures and grazing livestock are various colors similarly. Only those fear Allah , from among His servants, who have knowledge. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Forgiving.

Time has come for us to reflect on this deeply and ask ourselves some important questions. We need to dare our soul and see if the time spent “seeking knowledge” deserves what it is called. Without some serious soul-searching, we might end up just like the Children of Israel. They were oceans of knowledge yet chose to turn a blind eye towards Islam. They were amongst the wisest people yet failed to convince their soul. The accumulation of research, study and memorization of books had led most of their souls astray. Allah SWT describes the stories of the past for us to take heed. And it is time we do so.

War between life and death

When the sun dips back into the sea, the night sky blankets over the town, the breeze humming along and the dry leaves rattling against the wind, the soul stands still and all alone in the dark,trembling.

The world is running at a speed like never before. The technologies and instant messaging took a toll on our lives. Families are torn apart on the inside without them even realizing it. People barely have the "luxury" to reflect on their lives. We accelerate towards an delusional world knowing too well that death is inevitable. The soul is buried under the weight of this world and is tortured to forget death. It puts on a make up of being an immortal and living here forever.The soul screams ferociously but its voice dissolves in our hectic schedule and busy lives. Its wounds and bruises go unnoticed and is left to die a slow death. The soul dies even before it leaves the body. A death which is forgotten and not even mourned for. Death of the soul on the battleground of a horrendous war.

There is a chance for another beginning. A chance for a new life and a fresh breath. Bring back the dead soul to life through the Quran. It is the only companion that could ever fill the void, tend to the wounds and bruises and lighten the burden of this world.No one is defying the importance of achieving in this Dunya. Yes, go ahead and flourish in all possible ways you like. Pursue your passion, begin that new business, get that dream job and apply for that grad school. Whatever it may be, live in this world to your full potential. Just not at the cost of the next. It is only and only when the Lord, the King of Kings, the Most Loving wishes to grant your goals and vision will be achieved.

The trick is to hold on to the Rope of Allah. Never put out that light of Iman inside you, even if it is only a flickering flame. It is not sinful to admit that you are weak and in need help. It is not wrong to say that you can't bear. In fact, being vulnerable is the first step in tearing down that delusional make-up you are wearing. Only strong people have the astounding ability to be vulnerable in front of Allah. Take that pain and put it on the place of your Sajda. Bring it to Him, who never forgets about you.

We live in a world where most people have stereotyped what should be painful and what should be taken for granted. The independence for our heart to grieve and to be patient is ripped off mercilessly. A young amateur girl is expected not to have difficulties in interacting with the opposite gender just because it simply isn't a girl thing. People who reflect much about their personal life and the intricate state of their heart are labelled as helpless people who rack their brains too much and are in need of a psychiatrist for "recovery". Those who took up Arts and Social Sciences are looked down because they weren't smart enough to take Medicine. Men are expected not to cry and women are expected not to have their own opinion.

Ignore all those comments and ruthless words by people who "seem" to care so much about you. Thank them and leave their presence, for your own sake at least. As I previously said, be courageous in being vulnerable. Al Wakeel, The One who promised you His Help and named Himself to be your Trustee, will catch you faster than your speed in hitting rock bottom. But, for that you need to tell him all your stories, even though He knows it well and much better than you, ask Him for His Help, plead for His Forgiveness, beg for His Love, be thankful for His Gifts and above all fall in Love with Him all over again. Just remember He knows.

This journey is long and tiring. But, Allah SWT chose to create you, fashion you so intricately, specifically designing you for a unique purpose and placed you in the best situations. It is because He knows and have confidence in you to handle it, to learn through it, to evolve from it, to unlearn from it, to breathe through it and finally live through it.It is fine if you have fallen down a million times. It is fine if your heart is scarred. Al-Jabbar, the One who takes care of your wound, will also make sure you get justice. You will get justice at the Courtyard of Allah on the Day of Judgement. Be at peace that nothing will happen except it was meant to be. Strange is the affairs of the believer for whatever happens it is good for him.

Be patient oh soul! For this battle between dunya and Akhira will come to an end. And know that when it comes, the luxury to make choices will be taken away. And it is on that day true Life will begin. Till then, preserve in patience and prayer by making the right choices.


O mankind, indeed you are laboring toward your Lord with [great] exertion and will meet it.
(Surah Inshiqaq : 6)

The story of my pen

A slave of Allah. A Muslimah. A young adult.

Musings of a Musaafirah was born to serve as a platform for young Muslimahs where they get to read beneficial Islamic articles covering both general and feminine aspects of Islam. It hopes to delve into matters of the heart, muslim role models of the past, Asmaul Husna and the beauty of the Quran in it's Arabic eloquence. It is mainly targeted for young Muslimahs around the world who needs a pint of inspiration and hope in this Journey as a traveller.

Musaafirah was chosen to emphasise the current state of each and every one of us who are still alive. Each time the word is said, one needs to remember how transient is her task in this world and how huge her anticipation should be for the next. Being a young adult myself, I hope to share stories of my struggles, life lessons so that others know they are not alone in this journey. As travellers, it is only logic to expect sudden change of plans, cancellations of bookings, to be stranded on the streets, wandering during the day and having anticipation of reaching the Ultimate destination.

The articles are intended to serve as reminders for myself, first and foremost, and to everyone else. Please share the khayr and spread the word. Most importantly, I would appreciate your Duas more than anything else.

Jazakallahu khairan.

"Take it easy. He plans for you matters through the Unseen - were you to know them, you would weep out of joy."